Back To My Roots, A Redneck Woman

Love my new home here in Oviedo! My workplace is just right down the street, where before, I had to battle deadly traffic. Now I can do Earth a big favor by just walking. If I'm lucky to have an hour lunch, I can walk back home and have it. Love my own personal "Boar's Nest", Dickey's Barbecue, just a few steps further. Luscious pulled pork, beef brisket and pecan pie at my anticipating fingertips.

Love the peace and serenity I find here in the country, rather than the consistent urban noise of my old home. Every single little thing I do here is more worth doing. No blasting music, no drunken neighbors, just warm, friendly southern hospitality and cleanliness, more sanity and organization everywhere one goes.

Country music I've grown to love more and more as I get back to my spiritual simple country girl roots. Gretchen Wilson is a phenomena. She's unashamed of who she is and unafraid to speak her mind. And, like me, she finds shallow, vain, selfish women such as Paris Hilton and Mary Kate Olsen unbearable, as she says in her song "California Girls". Kenny Chesney is gorgeous, I've got to get into him more often. And of course Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler have got me interested. I usually don't support anything that has to do with verbal abuse in any way, nor human exploitation, such as "American Idol", but anyone who can maturely get past Simon Cowell and live to tell about it is OK in my book.

Thank goodness I've found ways to be more active online, I used to never find my way around at all. Some websites are so good, I don't know what to try first, but I'll get over that. I'll have to work harder and with more gumption to find pics of John Schneider and Tom Wopat sans shirt (how do these girls who post such said pictures on You Tube do it?!) but I'll be able to eventually.

Valuable Lessons

I can recall two different stories I read that were true. One was about a young woman in a school dance (probably high school). She had a little trouble with her acne, and she was putting on makeup in the bathroom. A snotty girl came up to her and said, "all the makeup in the world ain't gonna hide that horrible acne, sweetie." The girl who was putting on makeup decided not to take the comment personally, and decided to be happy and have a good time. She caught the eye of this cute guy who asked her to dance.

As it turned out, he used to be the snotty girl's boyfriend.

As they danced, the snotty girl looked angry, and the other girl said, "All the makeup in the world ain't gonna hide that horrible personality, sweetie."

The other involves a high school/junior high girl who had received no valentines on Valentines Day except from her mother, who called her "Mommy's #1 Girl" in the card. A snotty girl laughs and says "Let's hear it for Mommy's #1 girl." But the girl didn't take the comment personally. And she wasn't embarrassed or ashamed of the fact that her mother sent her a valentine saying that, she showed it, most likely, to friends and classmates. Suddenly, a guy, a really cute guy, catches her eye and falls deep in love, having a tender spot for girls who are close-knit with their families. He asks, "will you be my valentine?" She walks out with him, and tells the other girl "I'm not ashamed to love my mother, as you can tell."

The point I'm trying to make is, what do these girls do to get by?

They never take their adversaries seriously or personally. They could choose to wallow in their adversaries' cruel comments and cry and be unhappy, or they simply conclude that that's just the way their adversaries are--nasty.

The girl with acne could have let the opposition's comments bring her down, thus causing a chain reaction letting her not catch the guy's eye in the end and sending off a vibe making her a reject socially, but she chose to have fun instead, thus giving off a good vibe, letting her inner beauty shine through and radiate, giving her outer beauty. And her acne has nothing to do with anything.

The girl with only her mother's valentine, could have let her opposition's comment bring her down. And a valentine from her mother? At her age? For shame! But, no, she didn't think that way at all. She was unashamed to be mommy's #1 girl, and she sent off a good vibe, an inner beauty that radiated and gave her outer beauty, and a cute guy.

I myself have finally decided not to make the mistake of caring anymore what my opposition thinks of me, including my biological mother's cruel husband. Any comments at all are not to be taken personally, for my opposition is simply nasty to everyone, and by nature. I want to show my inner, and thus my outer beauty, and positivity.

Do You See What I See...?

I tried to talk to my biological mother tonight about some things she did inadvertently in the past that were part of a chain reaction caused by her husband's cruelty. The thing is, she didn't try to solve the problems with me. She didn't try to see what she'd done. Instead, she was hard on herself, then eventually, she yelled at me, making me out to be bitter, when I'm really not, just very upset at the moment. She says the same things, "let it go, it's in the past, blahblahblah"... yet I want her to realize, in full, High-Definition detail, the cold reality, the truths about what has happened and who I truly am, which she knows nothing of, before I do that. I want her to realize I'm not the black sheep of the family, or the twisted soul she thinks I am. I don't want to cruelly force it on her, I just long for her to open her eyes and see what abuse and damage has happened, what has truly happened, which she's been blind to.

But she's right about just one thing: I'm in great danger of losing my happiness as a person. And for me, I couldn't bear that. I have to talk to her, or a trusted human being, if I eventually find one, but certainly not any therapist or psychologists, from what I've seen, they're mostly quacks.

I need someone who can reach me, who sees what I see, who feels what I feel...

The God I worship is doing this thing with me where I pray to Him, but he doesn't reply, and I have to have faith that He's still there, even though it seems He's ignoring me. That's always how I've felt lately whenever I talk to Him. I know He's listening and attentive, but somehow, I feel He's just saying, "Eh, she's not important. Let her flounder around in the sea of life. She's just going through a phase." I have to keep reminding myself to believe in the sun when it's not shining, and believe in His love even when I don't feel it. I must believe that He, in fact, believes the opposite, that my every word to Him is important and that He's working on it and attentive, that he deems my every word important, and that I'm not crazy or insignificant. "According to your faith be it done unto you", He said in the Bible. The more faith, the more power He exudes in solving your every dilemma.

If only the average human being, like me, could see what I see and feel what I feel. I'd better start socializing now that I'm here in Oviedo, and present myself properly, or else.

Beginning of A New Day

Just call me Bobbi Raye Duke. I'll explain a little bit later why. I live in Oviedo, Florida, my own personal Hazzard County (my fellow fans of The Dukes Of Hazzard television show will know what I mean, for the rest of you, I mean that it's a simple down home country place full of warmth, beauty, hospitality and adventure.).

I moved here from Miami, Florida, if you can believe that. I'm not a city girl, that's just the point. I moved from state to state since I was born, then in 1986 I hit Florida. After 23 years of musing about it, I decided I was not a city girl at all, I am a down home country girl always, which is more than likely part of the reason why I never fit in to the Miami urbanite scene. I have decided to shed my adopted city ways at last and revive my country girl self.

I am aspiring to be a writer of many things, novels, books, of all sorfts of delights such as action, romance, sci-fi, and other things. Hopefully, I will be one of the many writers for series-books like Star Wars or Star Trek, Indiana Jones, or create some out of classic series such as CHiPs (a 1970's Cop Show) or the Dukes Of Hazzard (based on the television show), or Charlie's Angels (movie or TV show, doesn't matter).

I am also developing a love affair for martial arts, namely kickboxing. I need weight loss and I wanna get into, generally, the beauty of executing the moves of martial arts, and the spiritual aspect of what it can do for one's soul. When I get established in my home (I live in a hotel at the moment) and get settled in, I'll find some sort of martial arts school.

My blood family and I are, unfortunately, at odds at the moment. There has been a history of verbal and emotional abuse on both sides, and I have been taking such horrible blows as a result since about 1979. This has caused a chain reaction of events that have led to being the target of merciless bullying and abuse in school and beyond, not being able to fight back, not being able to socialize, and other similar things. Too many times, my integrity and honor, amongst other things have been questioned by a great deal many. Yet, lately, I've done a bit of heart and soul searching and found out that, basically due to the abuse and ineptitude of my blood family, they're pretty much to blame.

Thankfully, I have become better than that, or so I hope. I have found myself again as my blood family has never seen me, my true self. Warm. Friendly. Caring. Kind. Honorable. Full of Integrity. Full of Love. Innocent.

I can only hope, however, that my being upset with this family does not destroy what I've found within my heart, soul, spirit and mind. Or make me like the abusive people within my geneaology. I believe, that with the help of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I hope to preserve my positive self within these troubled times.

I have found precious treasures along the way, which have given me hope. I recall Disney's obscure and lesser-known story about The Small One, where a boy in the middle east has to sell a donkey too old to carry burdens on his back to a good home. The donkey is considerably worn out, and initially, no one wants him, and insults him, and an auctioneer ridicules him, sarcastically calling him "a king's donkey".

Finally, Joseph, the wife of Mary, Jesus' mother, who will soon be in labor in the story, finds the boy when he has lost all hope and says he needs a donkey to carry Mary to the manger in Bethlehem to give birth. The boy happily sells him away, and he carries her there to give birth to Jesus, a birth, in this case, which may have gone wrong without him, and in this case, Jesus, eventually, may not have saved the whole world from Hell by sticking up for its every sin by dying on a cross.

My point I'm trying to make here is, I believe there is a place for everyone in this world, even though a lot of us fail to realize that. Each of us brings a gift that is needed by someone, be it loved one or stranger. We touch the world with all the simple things we do, and sometimes larger talents as well, but even small things that we often underestimate are really like a metaphoric shot heard around the world.

And my precious treasures I've bumped into? Well, I could go on and on unto infinity telling you, but let me show you a particular thing that has made a profound impact on me : a mere humble television show that started in 1979 called The Dukes Of Hazzard.

For those of you who don't know about the show, let me explain : Two hillbilly cousins named Bo and Luke Duke used to run illegal booze in a place in Georgia called Hazzard County. Their Uncle Jesse helped them by having the law enforcement and justice system put them on probation. Together, the two ride in a 1969 Dodge Charger called the General Lee, and get into several adventures and mishaps in a modern Robin Hood-style, usually fighting off the county's corrupt and inept law enforcement, who commits crimes beyond number and tries to make the Duke Boys look like they're the ones at fault, questioning their integrity, honor, and generally kind, warm-hearted nature, amongst other things.

I can relate, as the so-called "authority figures" throughout my life have also been selfish, greedy, corrupt, ignorant and generally inept. They, too, have consistently questioned me as a person and my integrity, honor, and generally my overall personality as a human being, trying to make me look like a black sheep, which worked for a time, though I have thankfully and single handedly forsaken that particular lifestyle.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the Dukes of Hazzard is loved by the whole world, nor do I say that it's the thing for everyone's problems, I'm just saying that simple, humble little things a human being does or creates can actually change people's lives, turn their lives around and give them hope, and the Dukes of Hazzard, amongst other things, is what did it for me.

The Dukes made me see that not a single soul on earth is perfect, including myself. They made me see that things and people aren't always what they seem, and you can't see anything or anyone in black or white, but in full vivid color. They made me see that men, in particular, are never to be immediately seen as, generally, cold, hateful, abusive, unfriendly, uncaring or sexist, and as long as it's not considered illegal or immoral (even though, overall, anything goes in Hazzard), there's nothing wrong with a bit of fun.

Often, I get myself into situations where I say, "How would Bo handle this?" or "What would Luke do?" I certainly don't follow through all the time, for instance, I'm not about to tear through the streets of Oviedo in certain situations, in my Inifiniti, like a bull in a china shop, going "Yeeehaaaa!" But I do follow through with other solutions I come up with in answering these questions, and this has taught me a lot about society overall, how to socialize properly, how to handle romance when it comes along, how to not judge people so quickly, and how to forgive, amongst other aspects my blood relatives never taught me.

I know what you're thinking. A simple television show caused this? That's just the point. When someone gets involved in creating something such as a simple music, book, or television show, anyone who gets involved somehow makes a difference in someone's life, often without even knowing it. As the song in Disney's The Small One says, "Someone still needs you to brighten his day, there's a place for each Small One, God planned it that way."

I myself know now I can do the same. I used to not think so of course, for that's what my blood relatives taught me. And here I am...now that I know...waiting for my chance...